Fear or Love?

Fear

It’s what holds all of us back

Fear of failure

Fear of success

Fear of not having enough….

Time, money, love

Fear of wishing for the wrong thing

Fear of your dreams coming true

Fear that they won’t

Fear that you will change

Fear that you will stay the same

But what is there beyond fear

In its absence….

 

Love.

The opposite of fear is not safety

It is love

Love is faith

Love is knowing you will always have what you need

Love is accepting that you won’t always get what you want

Love is always there

Sitting beneath the surface

Waiting for you to notice it

Never leaving you

Never faltering

Just

Always

There.

 

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Clouds

Clouds everywhere

Gray skies

A menacing dark cloud hovering

Promising a deluge

Promising a cleansing

Promising to wash away what no longer serves

Blue skies waiting above the clouds

Never wavering, always there

When the whole world is bathed in gray

The sun and sky wait patiently, brilliantly

The clouds will eventually part, spent of their tears

And the sun that never left will be seen in all its glory once again.

It is so easy when things look bad to only see the darkness, the gray, the lack of light. To find it hard to imagine that the blue sky is just above the clouds on gray and rainy days. Anyone who has flown on a rainy day has seen it though. They’ve risen above the clouds into the bright waiting sky. That is what we need to remember when things seem dark and helpless. The clouds will eventually part. The rain will end. The wind will calm. No storm last forever, but without the rain, we would never see the rainbow.   

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The Art of Receiving

The Art of Receiving

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Being out of work for nearly a year and a half has given me time to do volunteer work that I never felt like I had time for before. Even before that though, I found myself working for free at my children’s karate school. Since December of 2013 I have been walking dogs for a local shelter and have also transported dogs to rescues and vet appointments. After a string of transports, plus days walking dogs and then driving friends and family around; I have to admit I was feeling a little depleted. I do not expect anything in return and believe that if you are doing something like this expecting anything (including gratitude), you shouldn’t be doing it at all.  My feeling was not one of feeling under-appreciated, so I was confused as to why I felt off after my last transport.

 

I knew I needed a little time away and had a nice clear weekend ahead with nothing on my schedule except picking up school supplies for my kids. So, after a lazy morning, I dropped my son off at his friends and took my daughter to get the rest of the supplies. Money is very tight right now with me not working and no longer receiving unemployment, so I was a little stressed about buying all these ridiculous supplies they make you get now, but anything for my kids and I would find money later. Basket loaded up, my daughter and I waited in the long line with the other parents. When I was next, they opened an extra register that was behind me and called the next customer. As I went to go, the gentleman behind me went over there. I almost started to grumble about me being next, but I wasn’t in a hurry, so I let it go. He quickly realized what he did and sent me over to that cashier. I was confused when he came back over, thinking maybe he was in a hurry and wanted to go before me, but that isn’t even close to what he wanted. He wanted to know if he could pay for my purchases that day. I was shocked and thought about refusing this generous offer, but a part of me couldn’t help but realize this gift that was being handed to me. So, I graciously accepted after he assured me he had plenty of money and only wished that I paid it forward by doing something nice for someone else or donating to charity.

 

What surprised me the most is that he said most of the time he tried to do this, he was refused. This hit home for me as I have spent most of my life not really wanting to accept help even though I am more than willing to give it. He was gracious and honestly doing this just out of the goodness of his heart. He was blessed with having money and liked to do random acts of kindness.

 

This was a beautiful gift to me, not just because it relieved a little bit of a financial burden, but because it balanced my life out by allowing me to receive. So often we give so much in life and forget that we can receive as well. I have a lot of volunteer friends and it can be a stressful life in animal rescue. We get so caught up in what we are trying to give, we forget that is ok to receive. That we can accept help too.


The art of receiving kindness, help or even a compliment can be difficult for those who are so used to giving all their time and energy to others. But if you stop, take a breath and look around; you will find people willing to help you as well. Accept with gratitude, realizing that it is a gift the universe is trying to give you and who are you to deny the universe?  

 

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Meditation & Guns?!?!

Last week I went to the shooting range with my husband and thought how odd it must seem that this is what I would do just mere hours after taking my weekly meditation class. I mean, meditation means peace and guns are violence, right? I am far from a violent person and cannot even bring myself to watch boxing or wrestling. As an empath, I am extremely sensitive and avoid violence and confrontation at all costs. So why have I taken up shooting as a hobby? At first, I marveled at how well rounded I am; how varied my interests are. It got me really thinking though and shortly after I came home, I decided to write whatever came to me about why I not only participate in these wildly diverse activities, but even chose to do them on the same day, hours apart. I would like to note that I have no interest in hunting at this time, nor do I ever anticipate using my gun anywhere other than the range. And every time I go, I am terrified, but I keep going back.  I hope you enjoy what I learned and that you can look at the activities in your life and see if they offer insight into what you are looking for or what you need to work on……

 

From the meditation pillow to the gun range and everything in between

Like what you like and make no excuses

Peace is my goal

Yet can’t peace been found in shooting a piece

The meditation pillow is my comfort zone

The gun range is not….It’s where I grow and face my fears

It’s where I take what I learn in yoga and apply to life

Prepare, set aim, breathe, pull the trigger and then do it all over again.

Who says they are different? Mindfulness can be found anywhere.

I do not shoot to harm or for violence. I shoot to learn peace within myself during chaos.

I am not good at it yet, but I will be.

When I can take my fear, breathe through it and release the bullet into the void, I will realize true peace.

To be able to sit in fear, to relax into it…..That is the goal.

I learn a lot on my meditation pillow, but the gun range is where I grow.

 

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Numbing Out

Computer

TV

Phone

Did I check Facebook recently?

It’s been 30 min

Is anything else posted?

I could use a drink or 2 or 3

Why don’t I have any percocets left

Maybe I should take up cigarettes

No – I don’t like going outside constantly.

Reading – I could read

I really should be cleaning or cooking or running errands or writing or looking for a job….

But – let me just send this text

Check this e-mail

Browse through Twitter

Have I been on LinkedIn recently? Who uses that anyway?

Watch this show and the one after and the one after

Crap – the day is done. Too late for cleaning, for job hunting, for errands

I can write tomorrow

I can pay the bill tomorrow

It all can wait until tomorrow

But can it?

How many tomorrows can it wait?

While I numb out on social media and food and TV….

 

What are we running away from?

We all do it in some form or another.

Shopping, drinking, smoking, drugs, food, TV, social media…..

What are we trying not to feel?

What are we afraid of trying that we are putting off?

Why is the unknown scarier than enduring the misery in your life now?

We all have different reasons and different ways of numbing out.

Some people keep busy to numb out….Too busy, sorry too busy to really live my life!!

They are all addictions used to keep us from moving forward, from entering into the unknown.

To keep change from happening – like we can really stop change.

And so we get sick and things go wrong

And WHY DOES THIS ALL HAPPEN TO ME!!!!

Because you are resisting

Because you are numbing

Because change is inevitable….

 

So become aware of where and how you numb

And just watch it

Look at it

Listen to it

Like an observer

And then release it – sometimes all at once but usually slowly

Little by little

Do the thing you fear

Or a step towards it

One little baby step

And another…and another

And suddenly, your WHOLE life is changed!

And it’s awesome!

But then you start to numb again

Because a new change is coming

And once again you are afraid, but it’s okay

You know how to do this now

And this time, it will come faster and with less resistance.

 

This is life

Live it… Don’t just exist in it.

 

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Unconditionally

Unconditionally is how we wish to be loved

To be accepted for who we truly are

Yet we don’t even accept ourselves.

“Yes I do!” you think to yourself

Then why do you conform and try to fit in?

Why do you worry about what others think?

Or get embarrassed when we stand out too much?

We speak to ourselves so harshly that we wouldn’t even be friends with ourselves.

And then we wonder, why we aren’t loved unconditionally.

Do you love others unconditionally?

“Of course I do!” you say.

Yet we are always talking about how others should change.

Not just friends, acquaintances, strangers – but those closest to us.

Brothers, sisters, parents, spouses, children…….

We blame them for our issues. They make us mad and sad and glad.

But do they?

No – we decide if we are mad or sad or glad. It’s all in our reaction.

It’s all in the story we tell ourselves (and others) about the circumstance.

“But it’s true!” you implore.

Yes – it’s true to you. But every story can be told so many different ways.

Ways that make us the victim or avoid blame.

Or ways that empower us and let us accept responsibility.

And hardest of all – in ways that show compassion to those who have “wronged us.”

Unconditional means TOTAL acceptance.

Unconditional means NO judgment.

Unconditional allows for growth and improvement of circumstances

But it does not allow for criticism of how things are.

We all deserve to be loved unconditionally, yet we think others are unworthy.

When we realize that ALL are worthy

When we realize that WE are worthy

Maybe, just maybe we will receive it.

We don’t need it from others though. We need it from no one but ourselves.

To love oneself unconditionally is the ultimate goal.

And when it is recognized, you will realize it was with you all the time.

And you will be loved, unconditionally.

 

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Karma

Karma

 

Grudge

 

I use to love the quote “Karma’s only a bitch if you are.” I’m not so sure anymore. The notion of karma is getting distorted and it seems that most people believe that some horrible future event will happen to someone as part of their karma for their past “horrible” actions. Well, I do agree that the seeds you plant today may impact what happens to you in the future, but that isn’t karma. That’s just law of attraction, which at any point in time you can redirect, by planting different seeds and nurturing the new ones while letting the old wither and die. What you feed grows, so what are you feeding?

We don’t ever know what is truly going on with another person. Karma hits you the instant you do something “good” or “bad.”  It is an internal reaction to how you act in the external world. Waiting for someone to “get theirs” is holding on to anger or “injustice” which manifests in your body, not the person you believe needs to be punished. Why are we so bent on holding this hatred when it has no effect on the other person, only ourselves? You are basically drinking poison and expecting someone else to get sick. So maybe karma is a bitch if you are. If you are “bitching” about how you hope you are there to see someone’s karma bite them in the ass, you are inviting more chaos into your life. What we focus on, we get. What you look for, will most likely happen. So where is your focus? Hoping your neighbor has something bad happen to them or that your ex gets cheated on like he did to you only hurts you. You are inviting more problems with your neighbor or your ex.

Instead, it is possible for you to accept that this person acted out of pain and/or fear? Can you imagine how much pain must be in someone’s life to act out in ways that harm others? You don’t by any means need to condone the actions. It is possible to be compassionate and still not like the act. There is the capability of love in everyone, as well as a shadow side to everyone. We make a choice based on the circumstances around us and how we have learned to cope in the world. People do the best they know how to do and often it will not live up to your expectations. Don’t worry, you won’t live up to other’s expectations either. Do you think you deserve to have others wish you harm or bad luck?

Always remember, it takes two people to have an argument or disagreement. If you are confident in your position or are willing to accept responsibility for a “wrong” you have done, there is no reason to argue your point. Most times the other person doesn’t want to change their mind or see your point of view. They don’t need to. Walking away or not engaging does not make you weak. It makes you strong.  Know when your mind is closed to hearing another and wait to have a discussion until you can both hear each other. It’s okay to be angry, but is it worth being angry days, weeks, years after an event occurs? I read once that an emotion will pass through the body in 90 seconds at the most. Anything longer than that is our attachment to the emotion. We hold onto it instead of processing it. Sit with it, feel it, and then let it rise up and out.

I have found the best way to deal with anger we have held onto is to write. Write how horrible what happened was and how much you hate the other person. Write until the strong anger or hatred has passed (may have to do this several times depending on how long and how egregious you believe the offense was) and then…… Write why you are grateful that it happened. This is so important to move the energy to a different state. How did your life improve since the even happened? What did you learn about yourself? Did it help you avoid a possible worse situation? Did it teach you to set boundaries or trust your first instincts? What qualities do you like about this person?  If a long term relationship, what did they do for you in the past that you are grateful for? This process lets the emotion come up and out and then allows gratitude to enter. If you cannot get to the gratitude, you have not worked through your anger yet and gotten to a place of letting go. This is not about ignoring your emotions and stuffing them down. It’s about facing them in the moment and not carrying them to the next. Wishing someone ill only causes pain in ourselves. Let it go. Dr. Wayne Dyer asks “would you rather be right or be kind?” The answer should be kind. If you are right, you don’t need to fight for your position with someone who isn’t ready to hear it.

So please stop with the “can’t wait for karma to get them!” I just want to see everyone deal with their own stuff and get to a place of peace within themselves that isn’t tied up with what happens outside of them. We have a choice in how we react every single moment and yes we will react “badly” sometimes, but then you have a choice to forgive and let go. Forgiveness doesn’t condone. Forgiveness is just letting go of believing the past should be different. Stop living in the past and start living in the only moment that matters, right now.

Sending love and compassion to all who are reading this. I do not judge you, I only wish you peace and happiness in your life.  

 

Contact me for a FREE Health Consultation!  Dawn@Dawnofwellness.com

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