Fear or Love?


It’s what holds all of us back

Fear of failure

Fear of success

Fear of not having enough….

Time, money, love

Fear of wishing for the wrong thing

Fear of your dreams coming true

Fear that they won’t

Fear that you will change

Fear that you will stay the same

But what is there beyond fear

In its absence….



The opposite of fear is not safety

It is love

Love is faith

Love is knowing you will always have what you need

Love is accepting that you won’t always get what you want

Love is always there

Sitting beneath the surface

Waiting for you to notice it

Never leaving you

Never faltering





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Clouds everywhere

Gray skies

A menacing dark cloud hovering

Promising a deluge

Promising a cleansing

Promising to wash away what no longer serves

Blue skies waiting above the clouds

Never wavering, always there

When the whole world is bathed in gray

The sun and sky wait patiently, brilliantly

The clouds will eventually part, spent of their tears

And the sun that never left will be seen in all its glory once again.

It is so easy when things look bad to only see the darkness, the gray, the lack of light. To find it hard to imagine that the blue sky is just above the clouds on gray and rainy days. Anyone who has flown on a rainy day has seen it though. They’ve risen above the clouds into the bright waiting sky. That is what we need to remember when things seem dark and helpless. The clouds will eventually part. The rain will end. The wind will calm. No storm last forever, but without the rain, we would never see the rainbow.   

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Meditation & Guns?!?!

Last week I went to the shooting range with my husband and thought how odd it must seem that this is what I would do just mere hours after taking my weekly meditation class. I mean, meditation means peace and guns are violence, right? I am far from a violent person and cannot even bring myself to watch boxing or wrestling. As an empath, I am extremely sensitive and avoid violence and confrontation at all costs. So why have I taken up shooting as a hobby? At first, I marveled at how well rounded I am; how varied my interests are. It got me really thinking though and shortly after I came home, I decided to write whatever came to me about why I not only participate in these wildly diverse activities, but even chose to do them on the same day, hours apart. I would like to note that I have no interest in hunting at this time, nor do I ever anticipate using my gun anywhere other than the range. And every time I go, I am terrified, but I keep going back.  I hope you enjoy what I learned and that you can look at the activities in your life and see if they offer insight into what you are looking for or what you need to work on……


From the meditation pillow to the gun range and everything in between

Like what you like and make no excuses

Peace is my goal

Yet can’t peace been found in shooting a piece

The meditation pillow is my comfort zone

The gun range is not….It’s where I grow and face my fears

It’s where I take what I learn in yoga and apply to life

Prepare, set aim, breathe, pull the trigger and then do it all over again.

Who says they are different? Mindfulness can be found anywhere.

I do not shoot to harm or for violence. I shoot to learn peace within myself during chaos.

I am not good at it yet, but I will be.

When I can take my fear, breathe through it and release the bullet into the void, I will realize true peace.

To be able to sit in fear, to relax into it…..That is the goal.

I learn a lot on my meditation pillow, but the gun range is where I grow.


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Numbing Out




Did I check Facebook recently?

It’s been 30 min

Is anything else posted?

I could use a drink or 2 or 3

Why don’t I have any percocets left

Maybe I should take up cigarettes

No – I don’t like going outside constantly.

Reading – I could read

I really should be cleaning or cooking or running errands or writing or looking for a job….

But – let me just send this text

Check this e-mail

Browse through Twitter

Have I been on LinkedIn recently? Who uses that anyway?

Watch this show and the one after and the one after

Crap – the day is done. Too late for cleaning, for job hunting, for errands

I can write tomorrow

I can pay the bill tomorrow

It all can wait until tomorrow

But can it?

How many tomorrows can it wait?

While I numb out on social media and food and TV….


What are we running away from?

We all do it in some form or another.

Shopping, drinking, smoking, drugs, food, TV, social media…..

What are we trying not to feel?

What are we afraid of trying that we are putting off?

Why is the unknown scarier than enduring the misery in your life now?

We all have different reasons and different ways of numbing out.

Some people keep busy to numb out….Too busy, sorry too busy to really live my life!!

They are all addictions used to keep us from moving forward, from entering into the unknown.

To keep change from happening – like we can really stop change.

And so we get sick and things go wrong


Because you are resisting

Because you are numbing

Because change is inevitable….


So become aware of where and how you numb

And just watch it

Look at it

Listen to it

Like an observer

And then release it – sometimes all at once but usually slowly

Little by little

Do the thing you fear

Or a step towards it

One little baby step

And another…and another

And suddenly, your WHOLE life is changed!

And it’s awesome!

But then you start to numb again

Because a new change is coming

And once again you are afraid, but it’s okay

You know how to do this now

And this time, it will come faster and with less resistance.


This is life

Live it… Don’t just exist in it.


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Unconditionally is how we wish to be loved

To be accepted for who we truly are

Yet we don’t even accept ourselves.

“Yes I do!” you think to yourself

Then why do you conform and try to fit in?

Why do you worry about what others think?

Or get embarrassed when we stand out too much?

We speak to ourselves so harshly that we wouldn’t even be friends with ourselves.

And then we wonder, why we aren’t loved unconditionally.

Do you love others unconditionally?

“Of course I do!” you say.

Yet we are always talking about how others should change.

Not just friends, acquaintances, strangers – but those closest to us.

Brothers, sisters, parents, spouses, children…….

We blame them for our issues. They make us mad and sad and glad.

But do they?

No – we decide if we are mad or sad or glad. It’s all in our reaction.

It’s all in the story we tell ourselves (and others) about the circumstance.

“But it’s true!” you implore.

Yes – it’s true to you. But every story can be told so many different ways.

Ways that make us the victim or avoid blame.

Or ways that empower us and let us accept responsibility.

And hardest of all – in ways that show compassion to those who have “wronged us.”

Unconditional means TOTAL acceptance.

Unconditional means NO judgment.

Unconditional allows for growth and improvement of circumstances

But it does not allow for criticism of how things are.

We all deserve to be loved unconditionally, yet we think others are unworthy.

When we realize that ALL are worthy

When we realize that WE are worthy

Maybe, just maybe we will receive it.

We don’t need it from others though. We need it from no one but ourselves.

To love oneself unconditionally is the ultimate goal.

And when it is recognized, you will realize it was with you all the time.

And you will be loved, unconditionally.


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I have experienced my share of disappointment when someone you have looked to as a mentor is no longer someone to look up to. Recently I have seen people dealing with their role models “fall from grace” and I felt the need to address this.

I remember many co-workers I had looked up to and then after working side by side with them started to wonder why I had ever looked at them as a mentor. It was hard for me at first and then it turned to a feeling of superiority over them.  As time has worn on I have finally grasped the lessons that they were here to give me.

Nobody (and I mean NOBODY) is perfect. We are all just doing the best that we know how in every moment.  However you may feel that you have been slighted is more than likely through no malice from the person you looked up to.  Just because someone is no longer living up to your expectations, doesn’t mean they weren’t a good role model for you before. It is important to remember that the stronger your expectations, the higher likelihood of being disappointed. The source of ALL disappointment is your expectation of how something should transpire.

When we have people that we look up to for whatever reason, be grateful in that moment that they are showing you what you want in life, whether it’s how to succeed in a career, relationships or just how they live their life in general. What draws you is the yearning for something they have obtained or the way that person lives. It is great that you have someone to show you what you didn’t know was possible prior. In this same thinking, once you realize the potential, this person may no longer need to be a mentor for you.

When you get close to your mentor, it is easy to notice their lives are not perfect and we begin to judge. The judgment believe it or not comes out of subconscious fear. This person I looked up to doesn’t have it all together, how will I?

We never fully know anyone. We don’t know their past or struggles. We know the stories they may tell us, but not the full picture. People can go through similar things and have completely different attitudes. I used to judge the people that turned destructive knowing that a different choice would give them different results. But their journey is not mine, nor is it yours. You didn’t live their life.

So when someone you look up to “falls” in your eyes, remember they are just human. Perfect in their imperfections. And be doubly grateful because not only did they show you what you wanted, they showed you what you don’t want. For this reason, they should be respected and shown compassion, because when someone who looks up to you realizes you aren’t perfect, that is what you would want from them.  

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