Fear or Love?

Fear

It’s what holds all of us back

Fear of failure

Fear of success

Fear of not having enough….

Time, money, love

Fear of wishing for the wrong thing

Fear of your dreams coming true

Fear that they won’t

Fear that you will change

Fear that you will stay the same

But what is there beyond fear

In its absence….

 

Love.

The opposite of fear is not safety

It is love

Love is faith

Love is knowing you will always have what you need

Love is accepting that you won’t always get what you want

Love is always there

Sitting beneath the surface

Waiting for you to notice it

Never leaving you

Never faltering

Just

Always

There.

 

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Unconditionally

Unconditionally is how we wish to be loved

To be accepted for who we truly are

Yet we don’t even accept ourselves.

“Yes I do!” you think to yourself

Then why do you conform and try to fit in?

Why do you worry about what others think?

Or get embarrassed when we stand out too much?

We speak to ourselves so harshly that we wouldn’t even be friends with ourselves.

And then we wonder, why we aren’t loved unconditionally.

Do you love others unconditionally?

“Of course I do!” you say.

Yet we are always talking about how others should change.

Not just friends, acquaintances, strangers – but those closest to us.

Brothers, sisters, parents, spouses, children…….

We blame them for our issues. They make us mad and sad and glad.

But do they?

No – we decide if we are mad or sad or glad. It’s all in our reaction.

It’s all in the story we tell ourselves (and others) about the circumstance.

“But it’s true!” you implore.

Yes – it’s true to you. But every story can be told so many different ways.

Ways that make us the victim or avoid blame.

Or ways that empower us and let us accept responsibility.

And hardest of all – in ways that show compassion to those who have “wronged us.”

Unconditional means TOTAL acceptance.

Unconditional means NO judgment.

Unconditional allows for growth and improvement of circumstances

But it does not allow for criticism of how things are.

We all deserve to be loved unconditionally, yet we think others are unworthy.

When we realize that ALL are worthy

When we realize that WE are worthy

Maybe, just maybe we will receive it.

We don’t need it from others though. We need it from no one but ourselves.

To love oneself unconditionally is the ultimate goal.

And when it is recognized, you will realize it was with you all the time.

And you will be loved, unconditionally.

 

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Karma

Karma

 

Grudge

 

I use to love the quote “Karma’s only a bitch if you are.” I’m not so sure anymore. The notion of karma is getting distorted and it seems that most people believe that some horrible future event will happen to someone as part of their karma for their past “horrible” actions. Well, I do agree that the seeds you plant today may impact what happens to you in the future, but that isn’t karma. That’s just law of attraction, which at any point in time you can redirect, by planting different seeds and nurturing the new ones while letting the old wither and die. What you feed grows, so what are you feeding?

We don’t ever know what is truly going on with another person. Karma hits you the instant you do something “good” or “bad.”  It is an internal reaction to how you act in the external world. Waiting for someone to “get theirs” is holding on to anger or “injustice” which manifests in your body, not the person you believe needs to be punished. Why are we so bent on holding this hatred when it has no effect on the other person, only ourselves? You are basically drinking poison and expecting someone else to get sick. So maybe karma is a bitch if you are. If you are “bitching” about how you hope you are there to see someone’s karma bite them in the ass, you are inviting more chaos into your life. What we focus on, we get. What you look for, will most likely happen. So where is your focus? Hoping your neighbor has something bad happen to them or that your ex gets cheated on like he did to you only hurts you. You are inviting more problems with your neighbor or your ex.

Instead, it is possible for you to accept that this person acted out of pain and/or fear? Can you imagine how much pain must be in someone’s life to act out in ways that harm others? You don’t by any means need to condone the actions. It is possible to be compassionate and still not like the act. There is the capability of love in everyone, as well as a shadow side to everyone. We make a choice based on the circumstances around us and how we have learned to cope in the world. People do the best they know how to do and often it will not live up to your expectations. Don’t worry, you won’t live up to other’s expectations either. Do you think you deserve to have others wish you harm or bad luck?

Always remember, it takes two people to have an argument or disagreement. If you are confident in your position or are willing to accept responsibility for a “wrong” you have done, there is no reason to argue your point. Most times the other person doesn’t want to change their mind or see your point of view. They don’t need to. Walking away or not engaging does not make you weak. It makes you strong.  Know when your mind is closed to hearing another and wait to have a discussion until you can both hear each other. It’s okay to be angry, but is it worth being angry days, weeks, years after an event occurs? I read once that an emotion will pass through the body in 90 seconds at the most. Anything longer than that is our attachment to the emotion. We hold onto it instead of processing it. Sit with it, feel it, and then let it rise up and out.

I have found the best way to deal with anger we have held onto is to write. Write how horrible what happened was and how much you hate the other person. Write until the strong anger or hatred has passed (may have to do this several times depending on how long and how egregious you believe the offense was) and then…… Write why you are grateful that it happened. This is so important to move the energy to a different state. How did your life improve since the even happened? What did you learn about yourself? Did it help you avoid a possible worse situation? Did it teach you to set boundaries or trust your first instincts? What qualities do you like about this person?  If a long term relationship, what did they do for you in the past that you are grateful for? This process lets the emotion come up and out and then allows gratitude to enter. If you cannot get to the gratitude, you have not worked through your anger yet and gotten to a place of letting go. This is not about ignoring your emotions and stuffing them down. It’s about facing them in the moment and not carrying them to the next. Wishing someone ill only causes pain in ourselves. Let it go. Dr. Wayne Dyer asks “would you rather be right or be kind?” The answer should be kind. If you are right, you don’t need to fight for your position with someone who isn’t ready to hear it.

So please stop with the “can’t wait for karma to get them!” I just want to see everyone deal with their own stuff and get to a place of peace within themselves that isn’t tied up with what happens outside of them. We have a choice in how we react every single moment and yes we will react “badly” sometimes, but then you have a choice to forgive and let go. Forgiveness doesn’t condone. Forgiveness is just letting go of believing the past should be different. Stop living in the past and start living in the only moment that matters, right now.

Sending love and compassion to all who are reading this. I do not judge you, I only wish you peace and happiness in your life.  

 

Contact me for a FREE Health Consultation!  Dawn@Dawnofwellness.com

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